After talking to Will..catching up and talking dirty I came to accept not being in a relationship. I watch him in his relationship with Lauren, Ashley with Josh, Taleed with Sean, Terence and Chanel. I don’t want that. I don’t want…to fight, argue, be unrequited, or have this love/hate relationship.

I watched the “Other Boleyn Girl” and watched Scarlett get shunned just for being herself and Natalie manipulate Eric Bana into leaving his wife and church for HOPE of having sex with Natalie. It was outrageous, Natalie totally corrupted the man’s life so she could be Queen and bare his child and heir to his throne. What sucks about it? SHE GOT RAPED AND ENDED UP IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE. Dude couldn’t stand the broad. I don’t want that either!

I told Will that I don’t ever want to be in a relationship ( I was hoping he would be my boyfriend because we just go good together) but the more I heard about him and Lauren. I was like, I don’t want that…I don’t want someone to be with me because I secure their lifestyle or I am familiar. I want someone to be with me because they want to, not because they have too. So I am secure in our friendship and don’t expect anything more or anything less. Sexually we are magnetic ( almost 2 hrs of fun at the Sahara, Monday! ) even out of the sheets we have fun and talk shit and just have a good time. I’d rather be his friend, I admit I had a huge crush with fantasy daydreams left and right but as time went along they faded and I accept that we are good friends……REALLY good friends ROFL! =P

I hate to watch Taleed chase after Sean. I so relate to her because I know the feelings she has and I want her to be ultimately happy because she deserves it above all else! I don’t know Sean or his motives but Taleed has been pursuing this relationship for quite sometime. She must see something that I don’t. Although I admire her motivation I don’t want to be in an unrequited relationship where my feelings are stronger than the others.

 Ashley and Josh? These too are the epitomy of disfunction? At each other’s throats one minute, hot make out session the next! For someone that “supposedly” irritates you, you sure do like fucking with him mentally and physically! *shrugs* To each his own I suppose. My only worry is that both parties are going to end up hurting each other. This Love/Hate relationship is beyond understanding. Although entertaining, it gets old fast. I don’t want to hate to be with someone I love! ( Is this even possible?! )

 Dear brother is head over heels in love but does his fiance feel the same way!? The boy is elated to be in the girl’s presence but I don’t get the same feeling from her. It’s like she just there and he is just excited but her…..not so much! I worry about my brother because I don’t want him to get hurt by his first love, but can you prevent it? Do you remember your first love? How about the break up? What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

I suppose that my lack of belief in relationships comes from failed ones or I just realized by observing others. Who knows really. I know right now, I don’t want one. I want to live life without the drama and trust issues. I am going to do me. You do you. Maybe someone is out there for me. Maybe not. I am really not looking right now.

 Go on a dating site, take a look at all these people looking for someone. Leave it for 6 months and come back. Same people…What are you people looking for that you can’t find?! *shrugs* Ah well. TTYL.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm and is filed under Happenings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.