Which means…”Nice to meet you I am Seiji” Seiji is the Japanese name given to me by my new friend Tomomi ( Momo-san ) she says it means honest. We work together at Lawry’s ( didn’t I tell you I quit IDI and am now a host at Lawry’s? ) which is a lot of fun! I am completely out of my element which makes it challenging, but I am doing great despite a couple mistakes!

 I have made some great friends, Miharu, Ashley, Tomomi, Michelle, Jason, Mary, and Carolyne. Momo-san and Miharu have been helping me with my Japanese. Momo-san is especially impressed with how I pick it up so easily. The host staff at Lawry’s is cool! The bosses are cool and the food is great!

 I have been there almost 3 weeks now ( it seems longer ) my schedule is always varying so it keeps me on my toes and I work at night so my days are free to pursue my school and freelance work! I had to quit IDI, it just became to stressful for me and I hated it when I was no longer able to design the sites anymore. It just go to the point where I dreaded it so bad I just sent an “Effective, Immediate Resignation” and quickly pursued hosting at Lawry’s.

A lot has been going on, I am staying with my grandmother. It’s difficult trying to stay off each other’s toes and understand we won’t see eye to eye. My grandmother is coming to grips that I am grown and that I have say in the things I do such as driving to LA to get Miss Alma on her bus to Mexico so she could go back to Guatemala.

I mentioned the trip to my grandmother weeks before we went and she was strongly against and pulled out all the stops to keep me from going. When the time came, I went without telling her so she wouldn’t worry or get mad. The trip went find to and from, I made the trip in less than 3 hours. It was my first time ( Thanks mapquest ) but I like driving and traveling to different places which is one of my goals for 2008. I am young and I want to experience life before it’s too late.

Anywho, my grandmother soon found out I wasn’t where I said I would be so I came clean about LA. She of course, was upset. She claimed I was being inconsiderate and deceptive and she couldn’t trust me. It’s sad she doesn’t understand that I try to make the choices with the best of intentions and try not to hurt people. We have moved on though and things are fine.

Destiny disappeared for two days recently, it was heartbreaking and nerve wracking! I was very upset to see that she was gone. But when I came home one night she was returned. We don’t where she was at but she was more than happy, like I was, to be home.

I sent Will a myspace recently because he had his damn baby pic as his main pic. He had made a spectacle of himself a couple years back at T-Mobile to get me to look at his picture because I usually ignored him during meetings or when he was on the floor ( we were/are messing around ) so he was determined to get my attention much to the surprise of our co-workers who were aware he had a boyfriend and was acting weird around me. Anywho, yeah he responded and wants to hook up. Part of me wants to because I like him, part of me wants more. He posted pictures of his Cayman Island vacation with his BF. I was a little jealous, I wanna do stuff like that. *rolls eyes* Anyway so I guess he’s setting something up, I dunno. Who knows maybe it won’t happen.

 Mary quit Lawry’s we believe. She was complaining about one of our servers harassing her and she didn’t like seating our guests ( she preferred reservations ). The server she was complaining about was having a discussion with managment and I tried to get the dish if it was about Mary. Mary had called sick and had not shown up for work and did not call. So we don’t know if she quit and why she isn’t showing up. When Carolyne found out about Mary’s discomfort she told the Managers who proceeded to interrogate us as to what Mary’s experience was and if that was why she wasn’t showing up. It’s still a mystery. We’ll find out the rest today as well as last night’s faux paus. Apparently last night one of our hosts told valet to determine if guests had a reservation because if they didn’t they wouldn’t be able to dine with us ( Big no no ) Our manager found out and she was livid to find out that has been going on so we are in suspense as to what happens next!

TTYL =P

Connect to My SoulWhen I think of youIt’s my very first thoughtI learned from you the things I was never taughtThat eternity is foreverAnd our love ends in neverWho would of thought of thatIt’s very cleverIt’s something you learn but it can’t be toldYou taught me everything Because you connect to my soul Hold my hand and squeeze it tightOur destination is infinity, a non-stop flightYou tell me everything without saying a wordI’ll cherish everything we haveEven the absurdWhen you say ‘I love you’ it’s always trueI am overjoyed that I will always be with youBecause eternity is foreverAnd our love ends in neverWho would of thought of thatIt’s very cleverIt’s something you learn but it can’t be toldYou taught me everythingBecause you connect to my soulBefore we meet I just want you to knowThat I love you from the bottom of my heartBetter yet, my soulI will cherish you and love you like no other hasI won’t forget us at allI won’t let our moments passBe apart of meSet me freeAllow me to give my all for you and meWe have forever to look forward toI’ll know when I see you because you’ll be looking for me tooI can’t wait for that very first chanceFor us to look at each other with our first glanceAnd know that eternity is foreverOur love ends in neverWho would of thought of thatIt’s very cleverIt’s something we learned and we weren’t toldWe taught each other everythingBecause you connect to my soul

Whenever you rent a hotel room for a secret rendevous…remember to put both of your names on the hotel slip! This ensures that you have access to your room after your partner has left for the evening. So if you just happen to lock your stuff in the room you won’t have to deal with the ignorant asshole of a hotel attendant!

My boss is getting increasingly agressive. Yelling and talking down to me. It’s really stressful. So far I have called out twice just to get away from him. With him, you don’t know if you have job if he gets on your case. As hard as you work and all the things you do, it’s still not enough and he wants more.

He has yelled at me for no reason and shouldn’t as a matter of fact I have not raised my voice nor done anything to recieve this kind of treatment. The job is treading on thin ice and I am stressed and worried about everytime I walk in the door. *sighs* He makes up shit and changes his word all the time. He has me on 1099 (why I don’t know) I haven’t recieved insurance nor the schedule he said I could pick. It’s just full of shitty promises. I wasn’t given the laptop he said he would get when I had additional responsiblities. The condo that he said I could live in is apparently still being “carpeted” and yet it doesn’t take long for carpeting at all! I am living with my grandmother now. The great job I had turned out to be  Hellhole and the Boss is satan himself. Hopefully things will change for the better ( a new job is in the works ) and I am getting letter of recommendations from my former supervisor’s and such. Here’s hopin! TTYL.

Tuesday was the day that Sybrina and I were to make an appearance to the Boys & Girls Club. After hanging out at the Center a little after work we grab some pizza, Starbucks, and head down.

The reaction from the kids…was just amazing! Hugs and screams of love! It just made me feel wonderful that we made enough impact on these kids to be loved and missed and welcomed back when we came to visit.

We treated the teens to pizza as we couldn’t have bought enough for all the kids. It was great just being around them. They acted like they didn’t care but I know they were glad to see us. Sybrina was cussing up a storm. I think the kids loved being able to interact with her unfiltered and not watered down!

I love talking to the kids! The teens especially. They were hilarious talking about random stuff from farts to middle school. And that’s what they loved about me, just being heard is enough for them. I hated that when I worked the front desk, they couldn’t be up front. I mean I feel that it shows a lot when you have a bond with kids to where they can relate and talk to you. They could be themselves with the fear of authority.

It was fun reminiscing with them all. I hope to do it again soon ( HINT HINT, Sybrina ). I wonder how Abby is doing. I know she is uber-busy with school and such! I miss her!

After talking to Will..catching up and talking dirty I came to accept not being in a relationship. I watch him in his relationship with Lauren, Ashley with Josh, Taleed with Sean, Terence and Chanel. I don’t want that. I don’t want…to fight, argue, be unrequited, or have this love/hate relationship.

I watched the “Other Boleyn Girl” and watched Scarlett get shunned just for being herself and Natalie manipulate Eric Bana into leaving his wife and church for HOPE of having sex with Natalie. It was outrageous, Natalie totally corrupted the man’s life so she could be Queen and bare his child and heir to his throne. What sucks about it? SHE GOT RAPED AND ENDED UP IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE. Dude couldn’t stand the broad. I don’t want that either!

I told Will that I don’t ever want to be in a relationship ( I was hoping he would be my boyfriend because we just go good together) but the more I heard about him and Lauren. I was like, I don’t want that…I don’t want someone to be with me because I secure their lifestyle or I am familiar. I want someone to be with me because they want to, not because they have too. So I am secure in our friendship and don’t expect anything more or anything less. Sexually we are magnetic ( almost 2 hrs of fun at the Sahara, Monday! ) even out of the sheets we have fun and talk shit and just have a good time. I’d rather be his friend, I admit I had a huge crush with fantasy daydreams left and right but as time went along they faded and I accept that we are good friends……REALLY good friends ROFL! =P

I hate to watch Taleed chase after Sean. I so relate to her because I know the feelings she has and I want her to be ultimately happy because she deserves it above all else! I don’t know Sean or his motives but Taleed has been pursuing this relationship for quite sometime. She must see something that I don’t. Although I admire her motivation I don’t want to be in an unrequited relationship where my feelings are stronger than the others.

 Ashley and Josh? These too are the epitomy of disfunction? At each other’s throats one minute, hot make out session the next! For someone that “supposedly” irritates you, you sure do like fucking with him mentally and physically! *shrugs* To each his own I suppose. My only worry is that both parties are going to end up hurting each other. This Love/Hate relationship is beyond understanding. Although entertaining, it gets old fast. I don’t want to hate to be with someone I love! ( Is this even possible?! )

 Dear brother is head over heels in love but does his fiance feel the same way!? The boy is elated to be in the girl’s presence but I don’t get the same feeling from her. It’s like she just there and he is just excited but her…..not so much! I worry about my brother because I don’t want him to get hurt by his first love, but can you prevent it? Do you remember your first love? How about the break up? What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

I suppose that my lack of belief in relationships comes from failed ones or I just realized by observing others. Who knows really. I know right now, I don’t want one. I want to live life without the drama and trust issues. I am going to do me. You do you. Maybe someone is out there for me. Maybe not. I am really not looking right now.

 Go on a dating site, take a look at all these people looking for someone. Leave it for 6 months and come back. Same people…What are you people looking for that you can’t find?! *shrugs* Ah well. TTYL.

A place that knows no pain
Sunshine ending the storm and the rain
Eyes to look deep into
Wildest dreams to capture and pursue
Overcome struggles
Being held tight and cuddled
Pillow talk into the dark
Everytime we see each other there’s a spark
Hold my hand and never let go
You look me in my heart and see my soul
We tell each other everything no secret lies untold
You are my best friend
My closest confidant
I sleep with your breath as my lullaby
You wake me with your soft sigh
My caress makes you feel at ease
Every moment like this I want to seize
A place its destination hard to tell
That place where happiness dwells…

It has been a while since I last blogged. I am glad I am finally getting back into it! So much going on here. Joined a gym, stopped eating beef and pork, getting ready to move into my first bonafide place! I came a long way and I’m going strong.

Haven’t been doing much of nothin lately. Work, work, work is all I do. I love my job. I design day in and day out! Dad & Anji gave me their Hyundai Santa Fe after my car engine blew in my Eclipse! Thank GOD or I would have been up shit’s creek. They also gave me the 160 GB IPOD!!!! XD…EXCITED! I gets to listen to my music again! 13000+ songs and still growing!

 My laptop had to be turned in to get fixed because the screen was messing up. Irritating. $300+ dollar fix..but I do plan to upgrade the memory and possibly upgrade to Vista. Who knows? I am talking to my cousin Jennifer! I miss her so much! We haven’t talked in ages. I am hoping to talk to all of my family more often!

 I am overflowing with creativity with storylines and poetry. I tend to keep my poems inside because they’re very personal and I tend not to put them on paper for that reason. They express the emotions I am feeling at the time and sometimes reading them over tends to open old wounds. I am going to try to blog them though because I don’t want to forget them.

Everything lately, for me, is day by day for me. I am up and strong but by the end of day it gets tiring and I tend to get down.

I am glad I have Destiny, my Siamese cat. She makes being on my own a little bit easier. I am also going to blog my dreams…because some of them are just cool!

It’s weird the things that go through my head I am thinking of old friends, memories, and stuff like that…it makes me smile at how funny something was or how fast time has gone by. Geez it does seem like yesterday when I was a kid.

 I am writing a story with V and some other people, it’s called “Forgotten Oaths” we are trying to finish writing it like we did a few years back. We are trying to find the best medium so we can collaborate.

IMVU is this fun new program V got me into. I am trying to develop some items on their too. It’s pretty cool.

I have been watching some cool movies like Moulin Rouge! Which I love! My favorite songs are…Hindi Sad Diamonds….Sparkling Diamonds…The Pitch….Come What May…The movie is awesome! It’s weird how some things aren’t appealing to you but they become appealing later on. I WANT THE SOUNDTRACKS!

I bought the 2 cd sets of the night club Tao, here in Vegas. I am loving that music! Toni Braxton will be here through August so I am most definantly gonna catch her show soon.

Right now I am worried about these “tickets” Ugh suspeneded registration on the Eclipse and the Santa Fe with a Speeding Ticket. Grrrr luckily if I pay them off I won’t have anymore!

But money is tight lately. I didn’t budget correctly and I’m paying for it. Cell phone and insurance are due. So yeah not cool. I am hoping and praying everything works out.

I wish I was still friends with Brent sometimes. I guess I just don’t understnad how our friendship ended. I am getting better at not letting those kind of things get at me.

Will text me last night….why I don’t know..I guess he gets a kick out of watching me squirm when he talks to me. The bastard =P LOL. It doesn’t bother me as much as it did before because I know when to stop and not let it get to me.

Anyways what else…..Oh….I saw Awake and Beowulf…Awesome movies….Awake was better than I expected. Unfortunately I did see my roomate nekkid…So not cool….You know it’s time to move when that happens.

I am keeping my laptop at my grandmother’s til I move which is soon hopefully….I don’t wanna deal will having to fix it again because they didn’t offer to pay a dime considering they used it as much as I did. Eric was like “get a better one” and Ren was like “keep 30 for the ink we used” WTF? Anyways I don’t care.

 Why Did I Get Married was a good movie! Go Janet! I want her new album.

I finally washed the SUV…and got that damn orange stick off my windshield. Grrr it took me a minute to get it off but I took care of it. I took Sapphire with me on my errands…the poor dog is always locked up in the Laundry room or getting the shit beat out of her…I felt she need a break..She’s a great traveling companion unlike the damn cat who is scared of going outside. She doesn’t even like wet food. I forced her to eat tuna…she spit it out and ran away Lol. But she loves playing with straws, paper, boxes, and Rolo’s wrappers (Thanks Ashley).

I dunno I think that’s it for now…TTYL.

Yesterday was horrific! I get up at 8:30 to go take care of a ticket. I forgot to go check my mail so I head back. I ended up speeding in a school zone. I was going 30 ( 34 is norm for residential ). But when I got to the school I was slowing down. Well the cop did not see that and pulled me over. ( This is like 3 times in 2 months, what the hell? ) So not only do I get a speeding ticket. I get my plates take because of a lapse in insurance that suspended my plates! The officer even told me my tint was too dark! You gotta be kidding me. He said he wouldn’t ticket me for the tint as I had enough problems ( gee Thanks). He suggested I got to the DMV and get a permit to move the car and such.

So I drive to the DMV ( no pull-overs, Thank God! ). GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT IN THE PARKING LOT! This big ass truck rolls up on my hood backing up. I honked my horn but the damage was done. Luckily they were nice and said their insurance would cover it. But it just did not look good for the day. So I get in, go through the loooooooong line, and fidn out I have to get my license reinstated to get the permit. Joy. So fortunately the wait wasn’t too long and the reinstatement cost 250. Got the permit! Off to take care of the ticket, my original mission.

 So I get to the courthouse. Get in the short line, get the number, and wait. While I am waiting I am reading my ticket information. I MISSED MY NUMBER! So I had to get back in line which is aaaaaaaall the way down the hall and get another ticket. I get called a few minutes later. Proof of insurance to the clerk, with my proof of insurance I went from a 700 fine to a 180 fine. I paid 100 upfront. Got some POS and went to work. Work to home. The day just sucked ass! Ehh another lesson learned

Sooo Insurance + Ticket + Reinstatement = a 700 dollar lesson. Ugh. =P Thanx life.

Before you read this. Brent was one of my best friends. We had been friends since sophomore year in high school. He was one of my first friends when I went to Green Valley after I moved. We had some awesome times during and after our school years. Not too long ago he had went through something but changed gradually coming to the point where he ended our friendship. I was hurt and lashed back angrily. We hadn’t spoke in years, but I always thought about our friendship till I looked him up today on Myspace. I was happy to see a familiar face but stayed respectful of his wish not to pursue our friendship. I left what I truly wanted to say. My true hope is that we could continue our friendship. However I have to come to accept that life isn’t what we hope, it’s what we achieve and accept.

Hey Brent,

Greg here. I wanted to say that I am so glad that you are alive and okay. After our falling out I said some things I regretted. I still respect your decision on not wanting to be friends. Just wanted to apologize and say no hard feelings.

Me and Ashley did try to see you but you have been so busy. I guess you were tired. I don’t blame ya.

Funny how things work out eh? I thought we woulda been friends forever. You were the only friend I could truly be myself and not feel judged. I can’t do a Toni Braxton dance for just anybody

I just wanted to say we had great, unforgettable times. And I will always love our friendship for it.

This is what I’ve wanted to say for a long time. Not the angry regretful shit. Peace Brent. Stay cool.

Greg